February 24, 2026

Where: the neighborhood

When: 11:30 am

Bird Species: house sparrow, northern cardinal, American robin, turkey vulture (flyover), European starling, American crow, mourning dove, yellow-bellied sapsucker, Cooper's hawk, dark-eyed junco, downy woodpecker, Carolina wren

Things I Thought About:

• I will be changing jobs soon, so lately I spend every minute of the day thinking about work I’d love to finish, work I won’t be able to finish, work I’m nervous about starting, people who are upset with me but pretending they aren’t, people that are excited for me but upset about what it means for them, etc. It has been a challenging time for me, a naturally lazy person who has spent too much of life being unable to make a goddamn decision already.
• Worries, in no particular order: the culture will be bad, I’ll hate it and not be allowed to look for something else in my field for a few years, the hours will be too long and there won't be time to touch grass, I’ll commute into DC three days a week and people I know who live there still won’t make plans with me, everyone I was able to ask about my new boss said he’s great but they are all men and sometimes it is different for them, I will work until I’m 75 and then receive like $363 a month to live, they’ll have to pay my replacement $15K more than they paid me and I really was an idiot to have stayed so long, the background check will find some account I co-opened with an ex and I owe a creditor $3200, I have made a terrible mistake and will be miserable in six months, etc. (Fun game: one of these has happened before; see if you can guess which one.)
• Then again: they pay more, the hiring panel showed some respect for my skills and experience, I can reset as a person who would never say "fucking" in a meeting, it will be good to leave the house and have new routines, the new boss could be as smart and authentic as he seems so far, I might have drinks once a month with friends I otherwise see once a year, there's some shit I'm currently putting up with that I'll be glad to see the back of, "they'll appreciate me when I'm gone" evil glee, etc.
• My brain just whirrs like a fan all day and will continue to do so until I actually start.
• Of course, all this has just been background processes for a month and half, so it is very easy to put it all aside and watch a small murmuration of starlings circle between the broad lawn of a church and the cables overhead several times in a cloud. They are all looking more imaginary than usual in the bright sunshine, all polka dots and glitter and iridescent green and copper.

• I woke up with a leg cramp this morning and I can feel it coiled up in my calf, waiting to strike again, and if it happens now and I collapse to the sidewalk here I'm concerned that someone will come out of that church and attempt to lay hands on me.
• I am so scared of making a crow mad that I always say, "Do you mind if I take a photo?" out loud before I do it. A wasted effort; the photos are always bad. They are too black.

• Pinky is singing his dang fool head off. I am fully aware that I anthropomorphize birds outrageously, but by species, not usually on an individual level. Robins are clowns, titmice are thugs, juncos are modest, wrens are grandpas, cardinals are snobs. But Pinky isn't a snob.
• Oh, and there's a little dark-eyed junco now.

• There is a wren who is also singing his dang head off, but he looks like absolute hell. It's uncommon to see one so messy, they are a dapper little bird. I bet he's been bathing in the ravine.
• Everybody is singing today and not just chirping. It could almost be spring.

BOTD: northern cardinal, that particular one. This guy has been singing every single time I've seen him for weeks, and today there was a female cardinal in the tree next to his tree. They didn't look like they were together, the way the bonded pairs do, but they might be headed that way? There were no other males around, at least. He looked for all the world like a teenager trying to keep her attention and slowly edge closer, without ever talking to her or looking her full in the face. I'm rooting for you, my guy.