August 18, 2026
Where: Metro Center, DC
When: 4:30 pm
Bird Species: rock pigeon, house sparrow
Things I Thought About:
- A pigeon is the sexiest girl bird. The sexiest bird, if she was a human girl. Long neck, big eyes, a daring color palette, confidence in a “I just painted my nails and cant do anything“ faux helpless guise.
- And, as my bird pal classily notes, she got them titties out front and center.
- This thought leads naturally into what is the sexiest bird if he was a human male, which I am better at eliminating than narrowing in on.
- Northern cardinal - himbo, not sexy.
- Tufted titmouse - big dick energy, we stan a short king, but sexy?
- Red-tailed hawk - Henry Cavill. Almost too buff, objectively good-looking, secretly kind of a dork.
- Red-winged blackbird is Stanley Kowalski, which is sexy, but I cannot endorse an abuser.
- I think I cracked it, though. Eastern Kingbird. Extremely handsome, a good dad, protective, great shoulders, looks like he could pull off a sharp business suit. And he has a completely different diet depending on the season and geography, so you know he trains and isn't afraid of the local cuisine. Sexy.
- Well, that was certainly a good use of tonight's blog space. I did not manage a walk today, but I for sure thought about birds.
- On the way home from pub quiz (where we tanked) I saw a license plate that read BARBEL and I said "a catfish drives that car" and then giggled at myself for like 30 seconds.
- It would be so easy to fall in love with me; you just have to enjoy shit like that.
BOTD: rock pigeon. Goth babygirl, tiptoeing away in her heels.
