April 19, 2026

Where: Hidden Oaks Nature Center

When: 3:35 pm

Bird Species: American crow, pileated woodpecker, tufted titmouse, white-throated sparrow, white-breasted nuthatch, myrtle warbler, American robin, northern cardinal, downy woodpecker, red-shouldered hawk, blue jay

Things I Thought About:

• A friend's IG story looked like they had a big choir singing "Oh, Happy Day" in their service this morning. It looked nice.
• A few years ago, the cast of Sister Act II reunited to sing it on The View with Whoopi conducting. Some people asked where Jennifer Love Hewitt was, but she would have ruined it for these others, I think. What a great bunch of kids. I cried.
• I also cry in the original Sister Act when Maggie Smith says Whoopi is a real nun. I cry in every movie. I cried like seven times in Project Hail Mary.
• I feel like I could cry right now, actually. I feel mentally and physically unsettled both, and that makes me anxious, which makes me angry, which makes me teary. I need to be more intentional about how I am tackling my life lately. I have been playing it by ear too much, when I only ever thrive in routines. I bet I haven't had 64 ounces of water in the past week.
• A pileated woodpecker, not making a single sound. It isn't even drumming. That's crazy.

• My body feels very bad. My stomach has been killing me since the chocolate-dipped cone Friday night, and I'd rather find out the soft-serve was contaminated and gave me listeria than discover lactose intolerance has finally caught up to me.
• I just feel very tired and pitiful and achy and a little sad. PMS without the M; surely no God could be that cruel, snakes and apples notwithstanding.
• It's so breezy I keep mistaking blowing leaves for bird movements. The sounds are tricky, too. A branch slapping repeatedly against a tree in a steady gust can sound like a woodpecker drummer. The tall trees scraping against each other can sound like almost any bird, depending on pitch or duration.
• Oh, perfect. A titmouse, kind of a big one, on a log, close, perfect, tuft visible, and finally low enough for a great shot.
• I click. Nothing happens. The display reads 'Card Full.'
• I promptly burst into tears.
• There's one in my camera bag in the car, but I'm just completely out of sorts today, and I feel like I deserve this. I thought it said "60" on the counter but it must have been "6," and I couldn't tell because I didn't have my reading glasses, which I need because I never made the appointment I mentioned 6 weeks ago.
• I am extremely unhappy with the manager that is currently running my life, and that is unfortunate because it is definitely me.
• I will trudge back to my car, looking neither right nor left, and I will put in the new card and start over, or I'll just post the woodpecker and the hell with it.

TWELVE MINUTE INTERMISSION

• My IG algorithm, which hopefully will soon fill up with gospel choirs, is lately pushing vagus nerve resets. Maybe I should look into it.
• Oh. Okay. There's a titmouse. Not nearly as close, but close enough.

• Oh, warblers! I'm glad I stayed up here around this woodsy little park area instead of going back down the trail again. This is good. And there are a couple of benches tucked in under the trees, so maybe I'll just sit in there and let them come to me.

• what in the world
• Whoa. This is...fucking cool.

BOTD: Red-shouldered hawk. Kind of a loser today. Relatable.

So there I am, sitting on a bench, feeling the way I always do after I cry, relaxed and a little ridiculous, watching a bunch of robins forage, and a downy woodpecker pecking away. Then one robin makes a little...barking?...kind of noise, and they all together fly into different trees.

Not big trees, not very high up, just the nearest tree. So now they are all calling like that, a high-pitched, staccato EEET EEET like I've never heard from them before, and very loud, and then almost simultaneously and almost directly overhead, perched up in the canopy, a red-shouldered hawk starts screaming too.

They are all so loud and so close, and now I can hear other birds yelling too, and in the second it takes for my brain to dredge up the words "alarm behavior," two blue jays fly in from fucking nowhere and start diving at the hawk. They look impossibly small next to him.

The dive-bombing doesn't start a big fight, they just kind of...bonk off of him and retreat several feet, again and again, but the hawk is getting noticeably ruffled and after a few more bonks, eventually, they drive it off. Robins screaming and looking up and hiding the whole time. Hawk screaming, jays screaming, me cheering them on.

God knows where the warblers went; if I was as small as they are I'd be under a car right now. It can't have taken longer than two minutes. The noise was incredible, and the pictures are lousy. My mouth was hanging open. It was a little scary.

This fucking ruled.